Notes and Disclaimers: Some things are too bad to be left alone. Kekko Kamen is one of those things.
Kekko Kamen, Mayumi, the Headmaster, Teacher Ben and the Sparta Academy are the creation and property of Go Nagai, Dynamic Planning and ADV.
This story is probably not appropriate for anyone, much less minors, so be warned – this is a foul story based an really twisted series. It is dedicated to Go Nagai, who I revere for coming up with the original idea at all – it takes a brilliant man to write crap like this.
I cannot thank the FR enough for their help and I especially thank Alan Harnum, for his comments, both critical and academic. Indeed, it is *entirely* his fault that this story was written. I have reprinted some of his comments here for your entertainment. The notes, and the story they comment upon are best taken with a whole mine’s worth of salt and a large margarita.
If you like it, commiserate with me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Worldshaking Fanfic supports with every fiber of its being, Yuricon, a celebration of shoujoai and yuri in anime and manga.
WSF also supports The Fanfic Revolution because, despite this story, fanfic does not have to suck.
The Return of Kekko Kamen
Commentary by A. Harnum
Midnight in the teacher’ lounge at the Toenail of Satan’s Sparta Academy:
The Toenail of Satan himself, Headmaster of the School, holds his head in his hands, bent almost double in misery. Piteous wails of emotional turmoil indicate his current state of mind. Teacher Ben Kyoshi, his surgical mask loosely bound across his wet mouth, attempts to comfort his leader to no avail. The other teachers huddle namelessly around the Headmaster, their faces blurred by the fact that we don’t really care who they are.1
“What can we do about that dreadful bitch?” The Headmaster lifts his hands to Heaven, rather inappropriately given his name, many of the teachers think.
“We could catch her and punish her in front of the student body,” one of the teachers suggests helpfully, which nets him a full two minutes of elaborate rebukes from the Headmaster, then an additional minute from some of the more adventurous teachers.
“If we could do that, we wouldn’t be in this situation, you dolt!” Ben Kyoshi screams, well after the rest of the abuse has tapered off, hoping to curry favor with the still sobbing Headmaster. In return for his assistance, the Headmaster awards Ben a slap upside the head.
“What we need,” the Headmaster shouts, once again tastelessly raising his face to the sky, “is a teacher here who can *effectively* hand out punishments something to which Kekko Kamen might be susceptible.”
“I had an idea,” mutters C. Ram, the mathematics and yogic disciplinarian.2 “We could just abolish the punishments, institute a standard school discipline and require good grades – with the current examination requisites, the students would probably relish the days when we punished them randomly.”
After Professor Ram is carted bodily out of the teachers lounge, the remaining staff once again turns to the ever-present topic of discussion these days – Kekko Kamen.
Kekko Kamen-one can hear the theme song start up softly in the background, even as one says her name3-the naked beauty with the masked face. Who is she, this woman of mystery, who protects the students from unnecessary punishment, even as she flaunts her powerful body? We do not know – nor do we wish to find out, really – actually, all we want is to be the subject of Kekko Kamen’s “spread legs attack,” but as we are simply the narrator, it is unlikely to happen. But we digress.4
“If only,” the Headmaster emotes histrionically, “someone appears who can defeat her! Will no one rid me of that damned masked woman?” he concludes, ironically paraphrasing a famous man.
“I believe,” a sultry voice speaks up from the back of the room, “I can help.”
The teachers part with awe, both figuratively and audibly, forming a path from the rear of the room to the Headmaster. A figure strides confidently forward, her every step a challenge to all.
“I can defeat Kekko Kamen,” she pronounces with finality.
“B-b-b-but who *are* you?” The Headmaster stutters, wondering when this delightfully curvaceous woman joined his staff.
“I,” she says, as she smoothes her sensible skirt along her full hips, “am the new English teacher. My name is Pearl.”
“Pearl?” All the male, and not a few of the female teachers gasp, as the object of their attention throws her glossy hair over her shoulders and strikes a pose.
“Yes,” she replies calmly, nay, coldly. “Pearl Rabbit.”
The silence in the room is deafening, until one of the female teachers lets out a discreet snicker. Pearl smiles at her, showing a mouthful of gleaming teeth. “Later,” she mouths at the woman, and blows a soft kiss in her direction. The unnamed female teacher swoons.
“Yes!” Teacher Pearl addresses the Headmaster with confidence. “I can defeat Kekko Kamen! Only *I* know her secret.”
The crowd of teachers gasps in anticipation as the scene fades-
…to reveal the girls dorm where Takahashi Mayumi is idly sitting at her desk, talking to herself.
“I suppose,” she says dreamily, “if I don’t complete my homework, I’ll be punished again.” Her voice sounds wistful, rather than unnerved. It has been a hard few years at the Academy, but Mayumi has got the hang of it now. “Which teacher, I wonder, should be the one?” Mayumi turns to her roommate, “Have you been punished by the art teacher yet?”
“Yes,” her roommate answers immediately. “It wasn’t as bad as it could have been – they used quick drying glue, for one thing.”
“Mmmm,” Mayumi muses noncommittally. She prefers humiliation that doesn’t require turpentine afterwards.
“Have you seen the new English teacher?” the roommate asks. “I’ve heard she’s -” here Mayumi can see and hear the breathy, anticipatory sigh, “that she’s very good looking.”
Mayumi’s ears perk up. From the moment of her first punishment with Gestapoko, Mayumi has been searching for another teacher who can make her heart pound with such excitement. Those first few punishments seem so long ago, now. A nice female teacher – mmm, fighting with Kekko Kamen. Maybe they would all be naked…
Mayumi can feel her body growing warmer. She turns to her roommate, whose name happens to be Ruki, and smiles invitingly. Ruki, who is a year younger, smiles back tentatively.
“Ruki-chan, be a sweetheart and tell me *all* about the art teacher would you?” Mayumi picks herself up from her seat, and slides open the top drawer of the desk. “What were you punished for?”
Ruki blushes adorably. “I stole something.”
Mayumi puts her hand into the desk. “Oh?” she asks as she withdraws a pair of handcuffs. “What did you steal?” her voice becomes soft, insinuating.
Her roommate, quite correctly, realizes that Mayumi is in one of “those moods” again and refuses to speak.
“Come, come,” Mayumi moves forward, twirling the handcuffs. “If you won’t admit to your weaknesses, then maybe you weren’t punished enough.”
Ruki waits until Mayumi is looming over her to fall back artfully on the bed as, once again, the scene fades.
It is morning. Toenail of Satan, who has no friends, and therefore no nicknames, eats breakfast alone in his apartment.5 He shovels breakfast cereal into his mouth, pausing only every once in a while to exclaim over a particularly exciting marshmallow. He is, in every way possible, a simple man. He has few needs, really. He runs a successful school, possesses a few fetishes perfectly normal for a man of his age and position, and an undying lust for the woman who had been making a fool of him for the past three years. In some sense, he is a complete failure but, as he begins to laugh maniacally, spraying animal-shaped marshmallows across his table, the very fact that in the past month alone Kekko Kamen has trapped him between her legs no less than eight times meant that he has had more muff than any of the other men he knows. For the Toenail of Satan, life is great.6
Mayumi rolls over and opens one eye in alarm. Ruki, who is only loosely chained to the bed, is already shaking her and calling out that they are late. Mayumi leaps from the bed and, after a small delay in unchaining Ruki, is out the door with speed borne from years of experience. Mayumi is not the only girl who can be in uniform and out the door in less than a minute, but she is certainly one of the fastest in her class. It isn’t until first period is almost over, when she realizes, with a shiver of fear, then a second one of anticipation, that she has left her English homework on her desk in her room. Mayumi spends the rest of the morning wondering if the new English teacher will really be attractive – and hoping that she will be creative.
She is not disappointed. At last the door slides open and the susurrus of admiration is loud and prolonged. Teacher Pearl’s legs are very long and very smooth-looking in stockings. Her straight black skirt hugs her hips snugly, and her blouse is sheer and soft, the bra tastefully visible. The class’s reaction is not dissimilar to that of Pavlov’s dogs after hearing the bell. Mayumi squirms a bit in her seat, glad to have chosen today – the new teacher’s first day – as the day she has left her homework behind. She’ll be the teacher’s first.
Teacher Pearl introduces herself, but it is unnecessary – rumor has run ahead once again. There isn’t a student in the school who doesn’t already know her name. Before she has finished her introduction, hands are already waving in the air. Mayumi lifts her own, keeping her eyes downcast.
Teacher Pearl smiles at the young minds she has been asked to mold. “Yes,” she glances at the seating chart, “Takahashi-san, do you have something you’d like to say?” She smiles gently, encouragingly, at the girl.
Mayumi blinks a few times submissively and blushes. She’s found these techniques are useful when convincing teachers of her innocence, long gone though it is.
“Teacher Pearl,” Mayumi says, “I forgot my homework.”
There is a pregnant silence in the classroom. Mayumi is always a crowd favorite.
The inquiry is soft, tender.
“Yes, ma’am.” Mayumi can barely sit still, she is shaking so hard. Could this get any better?
“I see.” Teacher Pearl sighs sexily, the rise and fall of her bosom mesmerizing the students. “Well, you realize, you’ll have to be punished.”
The entire senior class shudders audibly.
Slowly, Mayumi lifts her head and smiles.
Toenail of Satan claps happily at the news – a public punishment is always a chance to see Kekko Kamen.
“But this time, Kekko Kamen,” he speaks out loud, in case the woman might possibly lurking in the shadows, “*you* will be the punished one! Bwahahahahah!!!” Toenail of Satan stops and looks around furtively, again, assuming that Kekko Kamen has nothing better to do than spy on him, then rubs his hands together and indulges in a spot of extra specially evil laughter.
“Do you have moment?” Teacher Pearl strategically chooses her entrance, so that the Headmaster is caught between a breath and a laugh and begins to choke.
As he regains what passes for his dignity, he nods and gestures the woman in.
“I wanted to make sure you understand my methods.” Teacher Pearl seats herself in the Headmaster’s chair, carefully crossing her legs. The Headmaster nods a second time, his eyes following the gleaming stockings until they disappear under the plain, but beautifully tailored skirt.
Teacher Pearl leans forward, a move contrived to draw the Headmasters gaze at least slightly higher. “Whatever you see,” she almost whispers, knowing that he will have to concentrate on her softly spoken words, “you will not interfere, is that UNDERSTOOD?” The last word, spoken at a normal tone strikes the Headmaster much as a physical blow. Toenail of Satan, simple man that he is, lies on the floor dreaming of Kekko Kamen and Teacher Pearl wrestling in jello, as the scene fades yet again.
“Be careful, please Takahashi-san.” Teacher Pearl’s voice has an exciting, breathy quality to it. Mayumi is fascinated with the way the woman’s lips look so wet and inviting.
“Yes, ma’am.” Mayumi pulled her eyes reluctantly from the pulse in Teacher Pearl’s neck and pays stricter attention to the silky hair which she is engaged in brushing.
“This must seem odd, ” Teacher Pearl muses, “to be in my room. After all, you’re scheduled for punishment in a few hours.”
Mayumi says nothing. It wasn’t at all unusual to be in a teacher’s room before a punishment…or afterwards.
“But I simply can’t have my favorite students setting such a bad example, can I?” Teacher Pearl reaches out and takes Mayumi’s hand in her own. “I expect great things of you, Takahashi-san. Please don’t disappoint me.”
Three years of intense training at the Sparta Academy7 have not left Mayumi unmoved. She falls to her knees, her head touching the ground. “Please,” she begs adorably, “please let me make it up to you!” She leans back on her legs, feeling the normal signs of excitement in her body.
“You darling thing,” Teacher Pearl purrs. “You will, you will.”
It happens so fast that Mayumi cannot exactly remember the sequence of events. One second, Teacher Pearl is stroking her face softly, murmuring something Mayumi cannot quite make out – the next she is immobilized and blindfolded, a cold wind playing over her body. She moans, because of course, that is what is expected.
“Ah, I see that our subject is awake!” Toenail of Satan is a happy man. This girl has one of the finest bodies in the school and here she is, yet again, on display for a public punishment. He loves his job.
“Once again, Takahashi Mayumi has failed to meet the standards we set at this school,” Toenail of Satan gloats. “Teacher Pearl…” he steps aside and allows the new teacher the stage.
About this time, Mayumi realizes that she is strapped upside down. This in itself is not unusual, nor is her near complete nakedness. She’s rather annoyed about that…she had hoped for a slow undressing, but some teachers had no subtlety.
“This student,” Teacher Pearl says, “is a terrible disappointment.”
Mayumi can feel something pass over her body and sense the change in ambient lighting.
A soft chanting begins behind Teacher Pearl’s voice. “And I simply cannot tolerate that kind of thing.”
Of course, what Mayumi cannot see is that she is hung upside down on a cross, surrounded by twelve black-robed acolytes of the Dark Lord himself. Toenail of Satan is chortling to himself and rubbing his arms in delight, because either Kekko Kamen will come…or he will watch Satan himself ravish this child. Either scenario works for him.
Teacher Pearl raises her hand and draws a knife down her arm, as she completes the incantation to bring forth the Evil One. Mayumi strains to hear something above the noise of the chanting. She clings to the hope of tentacles, even as she recognizes the soft clacking of split hooves on the stage. Okay, that comes in a close second.8 Mayumi pushes her body against the bonds and wails piteously, because that is what is done when one is the victim, after all.
Everyone in the auditorium is silent and still, waiting breathlessly for the anticipated moment.
It is not long in coming. Music blares from some unidentifiable source, and a voice shouts over the chanting.
“This grotesque punishment must end. I, Kekko Kamen, champion of love and justice am here!” 9
The students shout in joy, as a naked figure shoots past them. With a dramatic move that allows the student body to enjoy the full view of their heroine, she lands and stands with legs spread heroically.
Mayumi is torn. She wishes her blindfold were removed. Kekko Kamen is always a pleasing sight, but she wishes she knew just what kind of creature was breathing down her neck. She can feel hands of a sort, and fur and skin and…oooh…mmmm…
“This bestial grotesquery must end immediately!” Kekko Kamen says, her voice harsh with disgust.
“And it will, it will,” replies Teacher Pearl, silkily. “As soon as you are defeated, Kekko Kamen!” In a single movement, Teacher Pearl removes her black robe, along with skirt, blouse, stockings, panties and bra replacing them with a dramatic black full face mask and long scarf of black. “For I will defeat you! I, Teacher Pearl, know your secret!” 10
There is an audible sigh from the riveted students, as Teacher Pearl, having revealed her own secrets, is now preparing to bare Kekko Kamen’s. Toenail of Satan and Teacher Ben Kyoshi lean heavily upon each other, tears of joy in their eyes as they watch the two naked woman face off.
Mayumi too, has tears in her eyes. It’s not that she’s ungrateful for the…oooh! It’s just that she is missing the sight of Teacher Pearl’s body! Life is horribly unfair right now for poor Mayumi, with the exception of that thing the creature is doing.
There is a tense silence as both naked, masked women face off. Kekko Kamen has let her trademark nunchucks sag at her side, as she contemplates, not without some lingering glances, the other woman. She shifts her weight from leg to leg, considers her foe.
The tension thickens. The gathered audience imagines a smirk of superiority upon Teacher Pearl’s full lips or, at least that part of the audience not concentrating their attention on the teacher’s other attributes.
At last Kekko Kamen appears to break free of the spell that has stopped her in her tracks.. She swings her nunchucks back into the crook of her elbow, draws her feet together and presses her hands in front of her face as she does the unthinkable…and bows.
Mayumi shrieks in frustration – the beast, in his pawing, has partially removed the blindfold, and she cranes her neck, trying to see what is happening. Why hasn’t Kekko Kamen moved? Where is the impact of flesh on flesh, the friction of two naked bodies wrestling – the sound of whip or weapon? What is going on??
Neither masked woman has said a word. Kekko Kamen rises from her bow – a low, submissive kowtow – and at last speaks. The eyes of students and teachers are fixed and their ears strain to catch the softly spoken word.
“Mother?” Kekko Kamen says, admitting more than simple defeat in the syllables. 11
Mayumi struggles with her bonds, managing to free an eye and cries out, as Kekko Kamen falls to her knees before the older, yet still firm and nicely-built woman.
Teacher Pearl throws her head back and laughs horribly, the very sound oppressive to all.
“Yes, you wretched child – it is indeed your mother and you…you must be punished!” 12
Mayumi has managed to free a single hand and pulls the gag from her mouth. “Kekko Kamen-oneesama help me!” She is enraged at this tawdry upstaging of her punishment. She swats at the intrusive demonic being as she seeks to reach the defeated heroine.
“Oneesama?” Teacher Pearl purrs. “Darling is she one of yours?” this last is addressed towards the heroine with bowed head.
Kekko Kamen looks up and nods. “Yes, Mother.”
“Mmmm,” the teacher ponders openly. “Fine, we’ll take her with us.” She turns and catches Mayumi’s eye, “After all, she did forget her homework. Come on then, let’s wrap this up.”
At which Kekko Kamen leaps from the floor, her eyes blazing with anger. “Foul beast – this is your end! Spread legs attack!”
Teacher Pearl, or Kekko-okaasan we may call her now, we suppose, turns at the same time and launches herself towards the pathetic and confused Toenail of Satan. “As for you, you generic pervert, Double Breast attack!!”
Both demonic creature and depraved Headmaster are seen to collapse to the ground, their faces wreathed in broad smiles.
Once again the music plays and the lights dim, leaving the audience of students and teachers as bewildered as we ourselves are. As the final cels of our story play out, we can hear Mayumi’s voice muffled, but happy, saying, “Kekko Kamen-oneesama, Kekko Kamen-okaasama, where are we going?”
The darkness falls upon our story, but we can still hear Teacher Pearl’s sexy drawl as she replies, “Home, darling child. You’ve both been very bad and need to be punished.”
And, as the darkness becomes complete and the opening bars of Kekko Kamen’s theme begin to play and the credits role, comes Mayumi’s voice ever so faintly as she says, “Oh, good!” 13
2 “Yogic disciplinarian” brings to mind visions of Dhalsim from the various Street Fighter games using his rubbery limbs to spank people. A disturbing image for those of you who wasted (or still waste) time with fighting games.
9 Kekko Kamen’s arrival at this point skillfully recalls other heroic arrivals, like the homecoming of Odysseus, the coming of Parsifal to the castle of the Knights of the Grail, and the arrival of the samurai in Kurosawa’s _Seven Samurai_.
I am sorry that Joseph Campbell did not live long enough to be able to embark on an essay about the heroic archetypes of Kekko Kamen.
10 It is truly remarkable how Teacher Pearl manages a complete metamorphosis in “a single movement”–almost miraculous, as though to suggest she is some kind of holy being, a boddhisatva or a Christ-figure (recall the earlier crucifixion scene).
The resemblance of her uniform to that of Kekko Kamen also clearly demonstrates her role as Kekko Kamen’s “Shadow”, in the Jungian sense.
If only Robert Graves had lived long enough to see Kekko Kamen.
13 The story proceeds from darkness to light to darkness, but with the promise of light even as the darkness falls. Magnificent. This is by far the best Kekko Kamen fanfic ever written. If you bother to separate my babble from my grammatical comments in the line-by-line commentary, there should be some useful stuff here. As for general comments…
It reads like an episode of Kekko Kamen translated to prose, which makes me realize how much easier it is to do something like Kekko Kamen in an animated medium. It’s difficult to convey the sheer over-the-top lunacy and offensiveness in prose. I think you did an okay job on this. Smashing the fourth wall to bits and then jumping on the bits helped here.