Dear Diary,
I have no idea why I wanted to write this down, I’m not even sure I can tell the story right. But I had to tell someone and frankly, I didn’t know who to tell. So here I am, telling it to my computer. Sheesh, how sad.
Anyway, this story kind of starts with me in the kitchen. Well, not really, but I’m starting it there, because that was where I realized what was going on. And it took me a while, mind you. I’m no brainchild, but I’m not the big stupid type either. If truth be told, I’m better in school than Usagi and Minako, not that that means anything. I’m at least as good as Rei, if not Ami. Heck, no one’s better at school than Ami. Except for maybe Haruka and Michiru, and they’re perfect, so it doesn’t count.
OK, I’ll be honest, the real reason this story starts in the kitchen is that’s where I do my best thinking. It relaxes me to cook. At first I did it because I thought that someone as naturally large and strong as myself ought to have a way to be more feminine, but that was years ago, and by now, it’s just natural that when I come home I sit down and start thinking. Which gets me hungry. Which makes me think of something I want to eat, which leads me to the kitchen. And so on.
I’ve just reread this beginning and I realize that, as I feared, I’m going about this all wrong. Sigh.
I guess I’m going to have to start at the beginning beginning.
It was summer vacation. Usagi had asked me to cover for her and tell anyone who asked that she was over my house when she wasn’t. She *said* it was so she could go to a midnight movie, but pul-leease! How stupid does she think we are? Obviously, she was planning on seducing Mamoru, and if what Minako was telling me was true, later Rei. I’m amazed it took that long, frankly. But that’s entirely besides the point.
The point is, we had been getting together almost every day for weeks, what with school and Senshi business, and vacation was kind of like a culmination of that. We literally were spending days and nights together. That whole summer it seemed like every memory I have has at least one of the others in it.
I’d been doing a lot of cooking for us, and to take the pressure off of Rei, I’d invited the others over my house a few times a week. Ami never seemed comfortable in her own home, and Usagi and Minako had families around, so I thought I’d be nice. This way I could serve good meals and make my friends happy.
And that’s when I noticed it, or thought I did.
After a couple of years together, we pretty much knew everything about each other, I thought. Even the not so obvious stuff. Like Rei and Usagi never actually admitted they could stand one another, much less mentioning their attraction to each other, but like I said, we knew. So by that time, I could pretty much pick out what kind of guy Minako liked and when Rei and Usagi were going to argue, you know stuff like that. And I thought I had Ami figured out too. She was a classic shy romantic. The stuff that made all of us sigh wistfully, she was a *total* sucker for. She’d sniffle at romantic films, and a single rose (NOT red, none of us can even look at one without giggling or shuddering these days) makes her melt. The last thing I’d ever expect from Ami was…how do I put this?
One day, a little before vacation, we’d been at Rei’s as usual. It had actually been quiet, Senshi-wise, and Usagi suggested we all go out for ice cream. Not like that was a rare occasion – she pretty much suggested it every day. But that day we agreed and we were all at the Crown, at our usual table. Minako thought she had a bead on some idol and she was going on about him, and Rei, who thought he was cute, was chiming in now and then. I had pretty much gone off boy idols after the whole Starlights thing, and was staring out the window.
I felt a ping, you know, the kind of thing when someone’s watching you, hard. So I turned away from the window and looked around. The only person facing me in the place was Ami. I caught her eye and she smiled at me, quietly, almost, well, almost mysteriously. I’ve never seen that look on her face before. She’s always had eyes that looked a little sad, almost worldly, but this time there was a twinkle in them, a mischievous twinkle, I thought.
She licked her lips with the tip of her tongue, then lowered her mouth to the straw in her drink. I must have been gaping, because Minako immediately caught my expression and looked past Ami into the Crown’s interior.
“OK, where is he?” she asked, loudly.
“Who?” My voice cracked a bit and I’m sure I blushed.
“The guy who looks like your old sempai.” I’m sure that phrase wouldn’t have been half so offensive if they hadn’t all said it at the same time.
I laughed and waved it off, and took the tease with a fair amount of grace, but out of the corner of my eye, I’m positive I saw Ami smirk.
When later I turned to address her, her face was as it always was, a little sad, quiet and reserved. And her voice was perfectly normal. I thought I must have made the whole thing up.
And it might have stayed at that, but then I got this idea. I invited everyone over for a snack the next day and made one of my favorite treats. Usagi’s nuts for meat buns, but I love the sweet red bean buns. Can’t get enough of ‘em. So I thought I’d make them and while everyone was eating, ask Ami for some help and ask her what was up. What can I say – I’m a blunt kind of a girl. One more thing my old sempai didn’t like. Jerk.
But it didn’t work that way. We were sitting there, and Rei and Usagi were, as usual, bickering over how much Usagi ate. It had taken me a while to realize that this was the way they masked their flirting. Minako and I talked about it once and we decided that if they don’t actually resolve this soon, we’re going to tell them to take it to a motel room. We had a good laugh about that, anyway. So now, when they start in, we all pretty much just tune it out.
Minako had gone off to the toilet and Rei and Usagi were actually rolling on the floor, pinching and yelling at each other. I rolled my eyes and turned to catch Ami’s, figuring she’d understand what I felt. And I felt it again. That ping.
A little slowly, like in a movie, you know – the significant turn towards a person – I turned. And sure enough, Ami was watching me. I could hear Usagi and Rei in the background, but only barely over the buzz in my own head.
Ami never took her eyes off me as she lifted one finger, drew it through the filling of the bun, then very delicately, *very* seductively licked off the tips of her finger. I must have blacked out or something, because the next thing I know, I hear Usagi asking Ami about the bun and Rei and she making some comment about it. I have no idea what I said, or they said -–all I could see was the blood pulsing in my eyes, and that vision of Ami, her eyes actually sparkling at me as she licked her finger. Just thinking about it made me pant.
Eventually the evening ended and I managed to get everyone to leave, closed the door behind them and leaning back against the door heaved a sigh. I have no idea what Ami was trying to do, but I knew what she *was* doing…to me anyway.
Let me back up here. I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of pervert. I’m not. I’ve always been attracted to guys…guys with longish brown hair. Or short blond hair. Or black hair… and nice eyes. Or blue hair…yeah, short blue hair and blue eyes. And really smart. I definitely like guys like that. But that’s not the point. The point is, I like guys. Why am I even trying to justify this? I don’t even know what I’m thinking these days. Okay, the point is, well, if I did like girls, I’d have to like girls like Ami. She’s so sweet, not in a bubble-headed way like Usagi, or a tougher-than-nails way like Rei, or “I want everyone to love me” way like Minako. She’s very real, very down to earth, despite being a super brain. And she is a brain – one of the smartest people on the planet, I bet. And she doesn’t even really realize it. That’s part of her charm.
Charm. What a funny word. She does have it though – she can dance, she’s really naturally graceful…
Anyway, well, I guess I’ll be honest. Yes – I had thought about her that way, you know…*that* way. You can’t stop what you imagine can you? But that’s not the same as doing anything about it, is it?
I went into the kitchen and without even thinking about it, began to cook. So there I was, beating some eggs like they were the damned and I was an infernal demon (can you tell we’re doing Dante’ in literature class?) when it dawned on me. And all of a sudden, a germ of an idea came to mind. It seemed so natural that I wasn’t even surprised at the time.
And while I have never actually *heard* that the way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach, I have frequently seen Usagi’s finer instincts completely overruled by her baser ones, so I thought I was pretty much safe. And if my plan failed, well, then, I’d have a nice meal with a friend and that would be it.
And I remember nodding the way we do when we’re given an order in school, because it seemed like the thing to do.
***
The weekend couldn’t come fast enough, and came way too fast, if you know what I mean. We were sitting, as almost always, at the Shrine and Rei announced a pool party at a school friend’s house. Usagi grinned and Minako and I shared a look that clearly said “Finally!” but Minako, being Minako, also said she’d go. That girl should work for the tabloid papers as an investigative reporter.
Ami demurred, as we all kind of expected, and when it got to me I found myself speaking as if what I was saying was the complete truth. I couldn’t believe how good an acting job I did! I told them that I still had the history class project to do (I didn’t, it had been done for over a week) and looked sheepish when Minako remonstrated with me. As I had hoped, Ami jumped at the chance to assist me with the assignment. Like I said – I thought I knew her pretty well. I looked more cheerful and it was agreed. She’d come over the next morning and we’d get to work.
Yes indeed – that was just what I had in mind.
I spent that night cleaning up, which wasn’t hard since I live in a small place and keep it pretty neat. I did go through the cabinets and take stock of what I had lying around. I’ve never cooked a meal with the purpose of a seduction…excluding the time I cooked for Motoki, but that doesn’t count.
No – it doesn’t, whatever you might think.
I was just being nice.
So of course, when I finally lay down to go to sleep, it was way too late. I felt terrible and then couldn’t get to sleep at all. I lay there, listening to the traffic go by for hours. Eventually I turned my clock over so I couldn’t see what time it was, it was just too damn depressing. About 4 AM I must have finally fallen asleep.
When I awoke, my head pounded, I felt plain awful and there was someone knocking at the door. It took me a little longer than it should have to figure out what was going on, but when Ami’s voice called out my name in a tone that was genuinely worried, I realized, at last, that I had overslept. I grabbed the clock and sure enough, when I flipped it, I had accidentally turned off the alarm! I bet my face was pretty comical as I gaped at the time, but I was in no position to appreciate it.
In a rush, which only made me feel even worse, I stood up and ran to the door. When I pulled it open, Ami stepped back in alarm. I know I’m not a pretty site in the morning – I bet had bags under my eyes and everything…but geez! Whatever happened to manners? Ami’s hand covered her mouth and she turned away as she began to laugh at me. Nice. What did I say? Charm? Hunh. She was hysterical at my expense and I felt like utter crap.
When she got herself under control she pushed me lightly back into my room and closed the door behind her. I wonder if anyone has ever told her that those little boots she wears are adorable? I watched her remove them and step up into the living area.
“You look awful!” She looked around the apartment and smiled ruefully. “I bet you stayed up late cleaning and cooking, didn’t you?” I just nodded, liking the way she was moving around my apartment so confidently. She seemed so, so, out of character somehow, like there was a separate personality that lurked underneath the quiet, reserved Ami we all knew. I was rather enjoying it, to tell the truth.
“Did you,” she commented as she moved into the kitchen, “bother making yourself anything for breakfast?” I shook my head…a bad idea. I groaned and she looked at me sharply. “Sit!” she pointed towards my futon.
I looked at her balefully, then seeing the fierce demeanor, the strength in her and mostly, the fact that someone was willing to take care of me for a few minutes, I gave up and crawled back into my bed.
I let my eyes close, listening to the sound of someone puttering in my kitchen. I thought it would bother me, but I was surprised to find that it was soothing, almost comforting. I relaxed back onto my pillow with a sigh.
What seemed like a few minutes later, Ami touched me gently on the shoulder, and my eyes popped open. My head didn’t hurt as much and I felt marginally better. Ami was kneeling next to my bed holding a cold compress and a cup of tea. A bowl of tea rice sat next to her. I took the tea and smiled as she draped the compress across my neck. I sipped, then traded the cup for the bowl and chopsticks. After a few bites, we traded again. The food and tea made me feel much better and at last I felt well enough to engage Ami in conversation.
“I’m really sorry about oversleeping…” I began, but Ami shushed me.
“Don’t mention it. Mako-chan, you do too much for us as it is. Maybe it’s time you let someone take care of you.” Her eyes met mine and she smiled brilliantly at me. But there was that sadness I could always see in her. I opened my mouth to speak, but she spoke first. “I never get to take care of my Mother – she’s always so busy.” She turned away slightly, and set down the empty bowl and chopsticks. When she turned back, I could see that the sadness had passed. Well, heck, if it would make her feel better to take care of me, then I’d be useless for a day.
At last she let me up from the futon, and I mentioned that I ought to dress, so we could start on that project. She grimaced slightly and made a vague gesture.
“You don’t really want to work on that yet, do you? How about we get you to a bath first? In your condition, it might make you feel better.” She used that “doctorly” voice she unconsciously uses when she’s ordering you to do something, so I just smiled and agreed. Like I was going to refuse. I may have felt terrible, but I hadn’t forgotten what I was planning on for later.
***
So that’s how I ended up in the bath with Ami.
Of course, we had shared a bath before. All of us, or some of us. We’d even been together at hot springs more than once. But that wasn’t the same. OK, the only real difference was in my head, but it was real enough!
I tried not to look like I wasn’t trying to look as we undressed. That’s pretty hard, I’ll have you know. We were chitchatting like you do, but when Ami took off her shirt, I had to turn away slightly and fight a sudden knot in my laces on my blouse. Mostly because the one in my throat made it hard to speak. So I didn’t try for a moment, and focused on the knot until I got the lace untied. By that time, Ami was wrapped in a towel and I was able to communicate again. I think I’m not cut out for subterfuge though, because I’m fairly sure that Ami was grinning at me the whole time.
We sat ourselves down to wash and she pulled her stool close to mine. I felt reasonably secure about this – we were in public after all, she wasn’t going to try anything too obvious. I found myself rather disappointed, to be honest.
“I’ll wash your back first, then you can do mine.” I was amazed that her voice was so rational, so calm. I could barely get the basic syllables of “yes” and “no” to come out of my mouth. If she hadn’t been enjoying my discomfiture so much, I might have even tried to leave.
Backscrubbing went by without incident, as did the bathing itself. Nonetheless, everytime I looked at her, her eyes were there, meeting my own. I found it hard to breathe in the hot, wet air.
“I’m hungry.” I dissembled, wondering when this whole affair had left my control, not sure I had ever had any control of it, “let’s go back to my place for some lunch.” By now I felt much more like my old self. I stood and stretched, blushing as I caught her watching me. But as I lowered my arms, I wondered what it was that I was afraid of, and stretched again, this time, not worrying that she watched.
****
Once back at my place, I felt far more confident than I had up to this point. After all – I’m the chef. A woman’s kitchen is her palace, as Minako would say, and with that thought it was my turn to order Ami to sit, while I prepared lunch.
I was pretty sure I had overthought this, but I had decided on a lot of little finger foods for lunch. Small sandwiches, like they eat in all those English novels, cookies, hors d’ouevres, that kind of thing. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but you can really tell a lot about a person by the way they eat. Take Usagi for instance – she wolfs her food, with obvious relish and an absolute lack of grace. Says it all, huh?
And I would have said that Ami was exactly the way she ate her food, polite, delicate, but not reticent…except for that red bean bun. With that thought, I felt a little warm, and stepped out of the kitchen for a moment, to get some fresh air.
Ami was kneeling quietly at the table, reading. Her eyes were on the page, anyway, but they looked far away. I watched her for a moment, noticing the way her hair almost fell into her eyes, the soft line of her shoulders and I realized that leaving the kitchen hadn’t helped at all. I took a step back and she glanced up for a second, then back down at her book. When I was able to focus on her again, I could see that she was flushed, the color flaming across her cheeks, and she was panting like she had run a great distance. I felt a bit out of breath myself, and turned quickly to retreat into the kitchen.
At last I felt that I could look at her again without fainting, so I picked up the tray and came into the living area. Ami stood to help me, her fingers just brushing mine as she took the tray from me. I know I blushed, but I smiled at her anyway and went back into the kitchen to retrieve the drinks.
What a meal that was! We began with the hors d’ouevres and I waited with bated breath to see if Ami took the bait, as it were. She didn’t disappoint. We must have seemed a bit silly, I guess, it’s not like we’re the first people to flirt over food, but neither of us had ever done it before and it was a bit of a revelation. To me, at least.
I have never noticed, for instance, what very graceful hands Ami had. I’ve watched her fingers fly over her computer keyboard, but never realized how precise they had to be to type so accurately. This afternoon, for the first time, I was captivated, as Ami picked up a sandwich wedge and brought it towards her mouth. Her lips parted slightly, then she paused and laughed at me.
I’m sure by now I was beet red, but we had pretty much obviously come to the same conclusion, – we were here for the same reason. So I was not going to let a little embarrassment stop me.
Ami leaned forward and gestured at me slightly with the sandwich. I looked at her, then her hand, and slowly opened my mouth. She leaned forward a little more then inserted the tip of the sandwich into my mouth. I bit down and she pulled away, then resumed the motion of sandwich wedge towards her own mouth. When I was little, I was told not to share food with other kids because it was an indirect kiss. I thought about that now, as I chewed and swallowed the sandwich. Still smiling at me, Ami repeated the motions and the sandwich was completely consumed.
I have no idea what it tasted like.
I kept having trouble not giggling and asking this girl in front of me where Ami was and what she had done with her.
I probably hadn’t taken a real breath in ten minutes.
I never wanted this moment to end.
But it did. It was obviously my turn this time. I chose an hors d’ouevre – something cute and decorative that I knew would taste good, since I had sampled it last night, some canape or other. I picked it up, trying like hell not to bobble it and held it up for a moment. Ami nodded and I grinned at her, swiped one finger through the topping and held it out towards her. She closed her eyes and opened her mouth.
What else could I do? It was too great a temptation…
I smeared her nose with the filling on my finger, licked the rest off, sat back and howled with infantile laughter.
Her eyes opened, glittering strangely. She wiped her nose off, looked at me hard and did the only rational thing she could have done…she grabbed up another canape and shoved it into my face.
And naturally, a food fight ensued. You have no idea how easy it is to toss small hors d’ouvres and finger food across a small apartment until you try. Ten minutes later there was barely a thing left on the table, we were both covered in food and breathlessly hysterical.
We lay back on the floor, catching our breath and giggling, when she rolled over and hovered above me. Immediately my laughter caught in my throat. Her hair looked so soft, I reached one hand up to touch it. Her smile disappeared and she looked quite seriously at me.
“You have some food on your face.” She said, still immensely earnest. I moved to wipe it away, but she stopped my hand before it reached my cheek. Lowering her head to mine, I could barely feel the brush of her lips against my skin, then gasped as the cool wetness of her tongue removed the offending morsel. I closed my eyes as her hair moved over my face, her lips closer to my own now. She kissed me again, pressing into my cheek warmly. I turned slightly and our lips met.
Should I bother trying to describe the sensation? It’s been done so many times, by people who write better than I can…well, it was sweeter than anything I’d ever felt before. My whole body exploded. I know I put my arms around her neck and drew her into me. I felt like my skin could breathe for me, like I never wanted to let go.
After a long time we broke apart, gasping for air. She lay back on the food-spotted carpet once again and it was my turn to hover over her. I grabbed up a strawberry – one of the few items that had remained untossed in our previous battle – and held it over her mouth. Obediently, she opened up and I lowered it gently onto her tongue. She closed her mouth, then leaned upwards towards me. I met her halfway and kissed her. When her mouth opened under mine, the sweetness of the strawberry was nothing compared to the sweetness of her tongue. It was sublime.
From there we made short work of whatever food we could get our hands on. And all the while I was learning what Ami felt like and what she tasted like. For the second time that day I got to see her without her shirt, and this time I wasn’t forced to look away. For the second time I completely lost my ability to speak, but this time it was because she had lifted one breast to my mouth. Thank you gods that I was able to live to this moment – that’s all I have to say.
Once upon a time, a couple of years ago I made a statement that I have since come to regret. I said, in front of a whole group of people, that I should be have played the role of Snow White because my breasts were bigger…you’d have think I shucked my clothes right there and then. I don’t think I’ve had a moment of peace where someone didn’t tease me about it. Minako, mostly, but I always just tell her she’s jealous and that shuts her up.
The point is, at last I had cause not to regret the truth of the statement. Ami didn’t seem put off by their size, and she devoured me, running her tongue across my nipples until I squirmed.
Needless to say, it got hotter and heavier at that point. What can I say that hasn’t been said? That Ami tasted like ambrosia? That her lips and tongue made me scream with rapture, that when she entered me if I had died that moment I would have regretted missing nothing in my life? What is left to say? I suppose only this, at some point I realized that Ami knew me better than I knew her, or myself, and I abandoned myself to her. After so many years alone it was a very nice feeling. And I swore in my mind that I’d do anything to make her happy.
I moved between her legs, tickling her with my hair, catching her hands in my own, placing them on my head, so she could direct me. I ran my tongue across her lower lips tentatively, then a little more firmly when she rewarded me with a heartfelt moan. I teased her, but not too much, then I treated her to the same sensation she had given me. And it was just as nice on this side.
That was pretty much the way it went all afternoon, into the evening. Night had fallen at some point. We lay together on my futon, stroking each other softly and murmuring the kinds of things you do (or at least I assume so, since it’s always like that in books and movies.)
All of a sudden I realized the flaw in my clever plan. I cleared my throat and spoke in a “normal” tone of voice.
“Um, Ami? About that history project?”
“Mmmm?” She looked up at me.
“Uh, well, that is…I don’t actually need your help with it. I finished it already.”
She smiled gently and kissed me on the lips. ” I know. I saw you finish it at Rei’s last week.”
“You knew?” I was incredulous, but then, began to laugh. “You had me all figured out, didn’t you?”
Mmmm…” Ami didn’t bother answering, but pulled my head down to hers…
***
“Whatcha readin?” Minako’s voice was muffled with the cake she was eating. She leaned over Usagi’s arm, but the smaller girl leaned away protectively.
“Nothing. Just something Umino was showing me.” Usagi smiled slyly, “Although…you’d probably get a kick out of it too…”
And she handed the sheets of paper over to Minako and settled down to watch her read it.
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon © Takeuchi Naoko, Bandai Visual, Kodansha, etc.
Original situations and characters, E. Friedman