“Tonight Love claims his full control,
And with desire and with regret
My soul, this hour, has drawn your soul
A little nearer yet.”
— Dante Gabriel Rossetti, “Insomnia”
Bishoujou Senshi Sailor Moon : Desperately Wanting
by Adam Jones
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Rei stood silently in the shadows of the courtyard, her back against the rough bark of a tree. Overhead, dark, heavy clouds rolled low across the sky, the last bruised rays of the evening light shimmering sickly between the rustling leaves. Her clothes clung to her skin in the oppressive heat, the warm, cloying wind heralding the coming storm.
Eyes closed, she waited, listening, feeling the world about her, reaching out with her senses. Birds chattered in alarm, dashing across
the sky in search of shelter; thunder growled low in the distance, and the air all about her was filled with the metallic, earthy scent of rain.
Moments like this were a rarity to be treasured, the chance to be alone and free in her thoughts, the thrill of fear at the awesome forces
gathering about her. What would it be like, she wondered, to be a part of the storm? To ride the howling winds, to feel the searing caress of the lightning…
Thunder roared menacingly in the near distance, startling her from her dreams. Her eyes flew open, catching the last fading glimmer of the
storm-fire on the horizon. There, amid the dying, leprous rays of sunlight, she saw him, quietly mounting the last of the temple steps.
Oh gods… why him? Why now? In her mind she could still see his face, still feel the fading shadow of his touch.
He walked slowly towards her across the yard, his short hair waving slightly in the breeze. His white cotton shirt hung open down to his
chest, the light fabric clinging tightly to the muscles of his stomach. Rei took a deep breath, disturbed by her own reaction to his presence.
“Mamoru… what are you doing here?” she asked, hiding the tremor in her voice.
He paused uncertainly for a moment. “I… I had to see you.”
Something in the tone of his voice made her stop short, her easy reply dying on her lips. She could feel her carefully-built control
fracture around her, her legs suddenly seeming almost too weak to hold her.
“Where’s Usagi-chan?”
“I… She… I don’t know. At home, I guess.”
Again, the strange, nervous undertone drifted beneath his words, a whispered siren-song, beckoning her on. She closed her eyes tightly,
hands clenched at her sides in a desperate bid to save herself. He was so close now, the soft warmth of his breath against her face, the
shallow echo of his breathing unbearably loud in her ears.
Steeling herself, she opened her eyes and looked up at him, feigning anger to hide the turmoil in her mind.
“We can’t. You… you love her…”
His reply was little more than a pained whisper, as though she had been reading his thoughts.
“I… I don’t know… A part of me does, but… in my dreams, I see your face… haunting me… I see you and I don’t know what I should do…”
“Please don’t” she pleaded, her voice cracking, lowering her eyes to avoid his gaze “Please… I can’t help myself. Not with you. Please…”
“I’m so sorry… Please don’t hate me…”
“How could I hate you? I love you. I love you and–” she sobbed quietly, her will all but gone. “And I can’t stop…”
Soft fingers brushed against her cheek, and her body shivered at his touch. A single raindrop fell against her skin, the startling warmth
lost amid her silent tears. Fathomless grey eyes met hers, a swirling mirror of the storm, and she was finally, hoplessly lost.
She closed her eyes once more, letting go, spiralling endlessly, longingly into the warm darkness. His lips met hers in a delicate,
tantalising caress, and there was nothing left now in her world but the soft dance of his touch, the taste of rain and sweat and tears and skin drowning her. His hands were all around her, holding her afloat in the unending sea of sensation; her own hands flew to his body, clinging to him as though in that moment he was life itself, desperate for the texture of wet cloth and hot skin.
Rei pulled herself closer to him, shaking at the exquisite power of his touch, wishing that she could live forever in the moment of their kiss. The rain washed over them in a torrent of splashing droplets, running down their faces, through her hair, across her chest, each one a tingling, sensual thrill. Her lips drank in the taste of him in a dizzying rush, and she lifted one trembling leg against his body to
steady herself.
The wet, rasping fabric of his clothes slid slowly across the inside of her leg, soon joined by the rough, tingling trail of his fingertips.
She could only gasp helplessly, wrapping her shivering body about him as the last of her strength seemed to fade away. His hand drifted higher beneath her skirt, grasping suddenly, mercifully cold against the burning flesh beneath.
Her breath caught in her throat as his strong fingers caressed her skin, the hard muscle of his leg pressing delightfully between her thighs. Her whole body seemed to burn with the warmth of his breath, and still she couldn’t breathe, the maddening sensation pressing higher and deeper inside her and around her… every part of her seemed to shiver beyond her control, writhing desperately against the delightful sense of his touch.
His lips pressed softly at her throat, barely brushing the skin, and she cried out wildly, tension bursting through her in one ecstatic moment of release. She collapsed languidly against him, limbs trembling in the fading transports of pleasure. It seemed like forever before she could find even the strength to open her eyes, staring longingly into his face as she drew her first, shuddering breath.
He wrapped his arms lightly about her, watching the fleeting expressions that drifted across her face as she rested against him. Her limpid
gaze seemed to draw him in, the actinic flare of the lightning dancing in her eyes. He leaned down slowly towards her, his shallow breaths
warm against her ear as he gently kissed her cheek.
She turned to meet him, tongue flicking softly against his lips, closing her eyes in anticipation. He reached one arm beneath her, a soft grunt escaping from his lips as he suddenly lifted her from the ground, seeming almost surprised at his own strength. Her eyes flew open in
alarm at the strange sensation, finding herself cradled carefully against his chest.
He kissed her softly once more and began to walk towards the temple. The rain poured across her exposed skin, trickling coolly between her
breasts as the gentle rhythm of his steps lulled her into a blissful half-sleep.
She was woken what seemed a mere moment later by the hollow echo of his footsteps on the wooden veranda, the memory of the raindrops on her
chest as the storm beat down above them. With one arm draped around his neck for support, she reached clumsily for the door, sliding it
open a little as he carried her inside. He struggled briefly with his shoes, finally slipping them off and knocking them to the side of the
entrance hall. Remembering, Rei kicked her legs langourously, her wooden sandals clattering noisily against the wall as they fell to the
floor.
The rainwater dripped slowly off their clothes as they ascended the last few stairs, spattering rhythmically against the lacquered wood of the floorboards. Above them the rain hissed loudly on the roof, thunder growling heavily in the near distance, barely muffled by the fragile protection of wood and tile and stone.
Mamoru carried her slowly towards her room, his steady footsteps barely audible above the whisper of his breath and the beating of his heart. Rei ran her free hand delicately down the exposed skin of his throat, gently toying with the rain-slick buttons of his shirt as she flicked them open, one by one.
The door to her bedroom clicked quietly shut behind them as he set her down on unsteady legs. She leaned against him for a moment, trying to recover her balance as she watched the firelights flicker in his eyes, and then they were alone, all sense lost in the moment of their kiss, dancing amid the flames.
The last few buttons came open quickly beneath her grasping fingers, and then she could finally feel his body, hands caressing the curves of his back as he flung the clinging garment away into the shadows. She kissed the taut muscles of his chest, savouring the taste of salt and skin. His hands cupped her hips, pulling her tight against him, the tantalising hardness of his groin pressing into her thigh, and she
flicked her tongue teasingly across his nipples, delighting in the ragged tension in his breath.
He held her there for a silent, shivering moment, one hand slowly slipping the sodden fabric of her blouse roughly up her back. On
instinct alone she arched her body towards him, his fingers tangling in her hair before grasping sharply, pulling her away with startling
force. He smiled slightly at the shock in her eyes, leaning down to tease at the exposed whiteness of her throat.
Rei gasped longingly, her body almost melting into his in a delightful, burning submission. His lips seemed barely to touch her skin, and yet somehow every part of her ached with the sensation of his caress. He played lightly with the buttons of her blouse, delicate fingers exacting a slow, sensual revenge for her earlier teasing. His fingertips left a trail of gentle warmth across her chest, exposing the flushed smoothness of her body in their wake.
His kisses traced their way down her body, and Rei found herself hanging desperately on his every move, barely able to breathe in anticipation of his touch. For a moment his lips stroked the aching point of her nipple, and she cried aloud at the exquisite rush of sensation, her hands pulling his head towards her with frantic strength.
Barely pausing in his delicate torture, Mamoru grasped her arms, forcing them behind her back. His fingers caught the cool fabric of her chemise, dragging it slowly down her back to tangle around her wrists, imprisoning her shivering hands. She struggled weakly, helpless as he toyed deliciously with her senses.
One hand pushed her bra quickly across her chest, fingertips dancing across the soft flesh beneath. His lips continued slowly downwards,
trailing over the firm muscle of her stomach, so wonderfully, cruelly close now to the centre of her desire. She writhed defencelessly in his embrace, every shaking breath a sigh of delightful longing.
With his free hand, he flicked open the clasp of her skirt, the heavy cloth dropping wetly to the floor at her feet. His tongue traced softly along the waistband of her underwear, his fingers slipping down to grasp the soft flesh of her ass.
Leaning forward, he pressed her down onto the softness of her pillow, her shivering legs falling open around him. He licked delicately at the inside of her thigh, drawing delicious cries of need from her throat. The last of her clothing was pulled slowly away, the cloying scent of her desire filling his breath.
With the tip of his tongue, he traced the heat of her lips, moving upwards with agonizing slowness, the sweet taste of her burning in his
senses. For Rei the moment seemed to last a blissful eternity, a keening wail creeping from her mouth as the exquisite tension of her
body became too much to bear. Her legs pressed tightly about him, drawing him in to the heart of her need. His lips surrounded her centre
in an instant of searing ecstacy, and her world collapsed into fire and blood and light.
Mamoru woke slowly, the first rays of the morning sun gleaming harshly through the window. The soft pool of light rippled silently across
his sleeping lover, almost vanishing amid the shimmering black disarray of her hair, seeming somehow to glow where it touched the pure white of her skin. The sight of her was so heart-achingly beautiful that for a moment he could only stare, entranced, listening to the soft whisper of her breath, treasuring one last memory of her touch.
With a bitter effort of will, he tore his gaze away from her and slipped slowly from the bed, his whole body trembling in the cold air. Rei
murmured softly, shifting restlessly as he moved, but did not awaken as he padded gently about the room, retrieving his crumpled clothes.
He dressed quietly, numb fingers struggling clumsily with the buttons of his shirt, the cool, damp cloth a pale shadow of the warmth that haunted his thoughts. Turning to leave, he stole one final, lingering glance behind as he forced himself to walk away, his footsteps tolling a rhythmic lament through the empty halls.
Stepping outside, he slid the temple door slowly closed and began to walk away across the glistening wet stones of the courtyard. His long
shadow stretched away behind him, as insubstantial as the last remnants of the storm clouds that drifted slowly across the cool pastel sky.
A single tear glistened on his cheek, a tiny mirror of the watery dawn light.
“I’m so sorry”, he whispered, as though hoping she might hear, “I love you so much… and you’ll never know…”
A gentle breeze rustled though the treetops as he left, disappearing into the empty shadows of the streets.
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon © Takeuchi Naoko, Bandai Visual, Kodansha, etc.
Original situations and characters, A. Jones